3 Ways a Leader Can Solicit Help While Creating a Win-Win Situation
Summary: Asking for help in the right way is oddly a great sign of being confident: it means you are secure in your own skills and competent enough to know that different people are suited for different things. If you know specifically what you want and how it will help, then people will not waste a second coming to your aid!
Are leaders capable of balancing strength and modesty? Can a leader still command respect if they have to seek assistance? One of the most difficult life skills to master is asking for help and openly accepting it. So, how does one hone this skill?
As much as we need help, we are terrified of asking for it. It is an age of abundance of information but a scarcity of time and attention, so we have to know what exactly it is we need help for and channel our help-seeking conversations efficiently.
The importance of this clarity in the mind of the help-seeker is illustrated well by this example. Two clients who once came to a leadership coach asked for help with achieving the same thing: work-life balance. For one client, it was about working throughout the week and keeping the weekends free for spending time with her family. For another client, it was about getting off from work earlier 3 times a week to go see movies with his friends. What actually matters in balance is knowing what you want and following through on it according to yourself.
So how can you imbue your help-seeking with clarity, such that you come from a position of confidence and it also remains a truly useful conversation?
Learn to Frame Your Question
We spend a lot of time setting contexts for our questions, providing a lot of information in a lot of words that might not be directly related to what it is exactly that we want. These kinds of conversations have a tendency to trail off, while the listener’s attention starts waning.1 To counter this, rehearse the actual pointers of what you want, in clear words that make sense in a sequence. You may end up removing pointers that are less relevant, rephrasing words to reduce ambiguity, and seeing if it makes sense in a flow.
Emphasize the Outcome and What it helps
The fact that you know why and in what manner you are enlisting the other person’s help will lend you credibility and ensure that you receive quality help. Further, since you have spent time concretizing how their efforts will lead to some successful outcome, there is a better chance of that help making a larger impact, making them and others willing to be constant sources of help in the future as well.
Secure Help Not Instruction
Perform your due diligence – exhaust all avenues and resources available to you before you solicit help. Also, when you are seeking help, it might just be advice and opinions that expand your point of view and not really asking for them to make the decision on your behalf or directly do something for you. You do not always have to come from a position of weakness,3 rather the help is in fact for aiding your thoughts and actions.
Impact on Leadership
3 Immediately Applicable Action Steps
- Spend time framing questions you have to ask by reducing the amount of context you have to give.
- While asking for help, talk in clear terms about what the help would lead to and how that is a favourable outcome you both may want.
- Do your homework before asking for help, to make it clear you are asking for help.
References
- The Best Leaders Aren’t Afraid to Ask for Help. (2019, February 11). Harvard Business Review. https://hbr.org/2019/01/the-best-leaders-arent-afraid-to-ask-for-help
- Nielsen, K., Randall, R., Yarker, J., & Brenner, S. O. (2008). The effects of transformational leadership on followers’ perceived work characteristics and psychological well-being: A longitudinal study. Work & Stress, 22(1), 16–32. https://doi.org/10.1080/0267837080
1979430 - Peterson, S., & Behfar, K. J. (2004). The Psychology of Leadership: New Perspectives and Research. Lawrence Erlbaum Associates. https://hbr.org/2019/01/the-best-leaders-arent-afraid-to-ask-for-help
Authored by Coach Vikram
Vikram is an Executive Presence Coach who supports CXOs and senior leaders to make an impact, influence, and lead with ease. He advises C-level leaders and teams to strengthen business performance through their executive presence and star leadership.
Vikram works closely with Boards and senior leaders to align leadership needs with strategy. His forte is his ability to develop trusted partnerships with senior leaders at some of the most recognized companies in the world. Vikram coaches senior leaders to draw upon their best selves, while growing their business and their leadership capabilities.
Vikram and his team have developed a groundbreaking model of executive presence and an Executive Presence Index (EPI) Assessment, the first frequency based, scientifically validated tool to measure executive presence.
Connect with him if you want practical and immediately applicable strategies to accelerate results, develop your people, and influence others to make a positive difference in your organization.
